Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
