on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
