remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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