is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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