I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
