I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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