Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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