dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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