We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
