It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize