If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
