My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
