so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize