pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
