Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
