How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
