He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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