yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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