her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
