Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
