i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
