I heard we made out
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
