you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
