You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
