Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
