She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
