Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
