come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
