Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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