the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
