You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
