I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
