Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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