Are we in a gay sports bar?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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