i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
