The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
