Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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