only if we run a train.
done.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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