are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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