im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
