i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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