I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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