There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
