I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
