Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
