obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
