Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
