I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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