We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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