I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize