The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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