I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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