i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
