Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
