I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
