dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just found puke in my bra..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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