She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize