He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
