why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
