good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
