she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
