The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
