There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The adults are the big ones right?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
