You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
